and Jokes |
Subject: Santa, Myth or Reality?
---For an upcoming paper on Quantum Analysis of Mythological Characters.
The calculation presented to convert Santa into nothing but a puff of smoke is wrong because it's based on Classical Physics.
If we apply Relativity and Quantum Physics, things get better. If Santa travels close to the speed of light, he and his reindeers enjoy different coordinates of time, space, and weight than what we earthlings are within. For example, when he experiences 1 year, we pass only 1 second ... what we perceive as 1000 tons, to him is only 1 kg ... or he can put into his pocket what would occupy 1000 cubic km of our space...
In addition, the Uncertainty Law of Heisenberg says that at this high speed, Santa also behaves like both a wave and a particle. Like a wave so that he can visit more than 1 house at one time. Like a particle so that kids can still hug him.
So, what I am saying is that Santa is a wave function distributed throughout the world with a local maximum in each household with children. For a short time on Christmas Eve he can become most probably located at each household in turn for a brief time, appearing to "quantum jump" from one location to another. Of course, if you don't believe in Santa it reduces the local magnitude of the wave function, and may cause him to skip appearing at your house. And, as we all, know, if you actually detect his presence by observing him at any one location, he cannot then appear anywhere else. So don't let the kids peek, or they may ruin Christmas for everyone!!
In conclusion, Santa Claus must be a macroscopic quantum phenonmenon. He travels just once from the North Pole and back again, with a sleigh that is scarcely laden at all. But being a quantum particle, he travels simultaneously along all possible paths leading past a good child's chimney.
The downside to this is that although Santa can visit everywhere, you can never be certain that he has visited in any one place. The more strenuously the children try to observe him - staying up late, staking out the plate of cookies - the more likely it is that the wave packet will collapse, and they will end up seeing nothing more exciting than mom and dad shuffling around in a bathrobe and slippers.
So, kids of all ages, Cheer Up!